Have you dated anyone who was ever freaked out, or intimidated by what you do?

April Storm (Mama Tush on Showtime's Family Business) and Publicist for Pure Play Media: Yes, unfortunately I have. People seem to have this visual that just because I work in the adult industry that I'm working around naked people and everyone is fucking around the office all day long. I hate to burst any bubbles because that visual sounds fun (hell, who wouldn't want to work in an environment like that?) The adult industry is run just like any other business... Why do you think it's such a successful business? We certainly wouldn't be as large as we are if there weren't people working behind the scenes doing the 'normal office' work (and clothing protects us from painful paper cuts in those unmentionable places.)

Bad Ass Frank (Producer, manager, entrepreneur, all around good guy) CEO/Owner Bad Ass Models, Bad Ass Productions: I tend to be able to get away with more than most regardless of my career. Must be my charm, wit and sheer lack of height. I have had some of my former "dates" encourage me not to pursue a career in adult entertainment. I think that, on some level, they thought we'd end up together and didn't want to tell their parents I made porn. Um, hello... In what reality did we end up together? Aren't we too old for opposite’s day?

Tricia Oaks, Adult film actress and Bad Ass Model: No, but I have dated someone that was freaked out about what I did (my past), but he was a religious freak. I was too, I wasn't even having sex at that time... From Jesus and Celibacy to Porn and dating Bad Ass Frank (the Atheist). The only thing about me that intimidates others is this harsh look I give them while I am jerking off to Cyndi Lauper's "Good Enough" from the Goonies Soundtrack.

Hailey Young. Adult film actress and Bad Ass Model. No, well kinda, lol. I have only had one boyfriend since I started in the biz, I haven’t been with him in over a year, but when we were together I had just got started performing and I was too afraid to tell him, so I never did. He had no clue what I did until about a month ago, we were trying to hang out and be friends. So, we did one night and I got drunk and told him. I haven’t talked to him since that night, I feel bad about it but he was a little weird anyway.

What advice would you give to anyone interested in a relationship with someone who works in porn?

April Storm: The same advice I'd give to anyone dating a touring musician or mainstream actor. It takes a strong person with good self esteem to be able to date this kind of person. An insecure person wouldn't last a day. Just like any relationship you have to TRUST your partner. Understand that fucking on camera is work and nothing more to a porn star. You can NOT be the jealous type. So if you're secure, trusting and not jealous... You might have a shot. :)

Bad Ass Frank: Don't do it. It's not what you think it's going to be, particularly if you're a guy. The adolescent fantasy of dating a hot pornstar ends somewhere between your love interest fucking Mandingo's 13” inch dick and her performance in the 20-man bukkake. Neither your ego or your penis is big enough to overcome those situations. Even for women it can be difficult... "Honey, I'm off to sling some dick. I'll be home for dinner. Love ya sugar-pie".

Hailey Young: I’m not sure, as I said I haven’t really been in any. But from the before question, "Don't trust them" man that’s a bad thing to say about myself.

What is the single most important quality you look for in someone?

Tricia Oaks He has to have good hair like Bad Ass Frank, and strong arms for pushing me on the swings at the park. Other than that... He must drive me around in a beat up Mazda that surrounds me with the essence of gasoline and oil. Light a match and just see how hot I get... Rawrrr!!! Like a Frisky Kitty up inside!

Hailey Young Personality, someone to make me laugh -- like Carl.

[Hey, that’s me!! Sweeeeet. Ok, ok, breathe deeply….focus.]

How can an ordinary guy MEET a porn star?

April Storm Well, for one... move to Porn Valley! LoL, If you live in Porn Valley you'll have a better chance at running into them in a normal fashion. If you're just interested in meeting a bunch of porn stars, then I'd say to hit Porn Star Karaoke at Sardos on Tuesdays. Try every convention that is open to the public like Erotica LA or AEE. Vegas in January is the best place for ordinary guys to see the largest variety of porn stars in one location. When meeting them... be normal and be CLEAN... B.O. and sweat is such a turn off. I hear more girls complain about sweaty, stinky guys trying to get close to them. blach!

Bad Ass Frank: There are plenty of venues where ordinary guys can meet pornstars. Follow the adult industry news sites and you'll see when and where they attend club parties or make appearances. Mingling with them at places like Porn Star Karaoke is also a great way to meet. But let me assure you, creepy guys who leer while introducing themselves, "Hi, I've jerked off to you 100 times this month alone," are NOT getting any action. What they are getting is eyed by the bouncer friends of the pornstars in case they need an ass-whoopin'.

Tricia Oaks: I don't know... Myspace.com??? That is where Bad Ass Frank and I met. And I am noticing that there are many other Porn Stars with profiles too. Also PSK at Sardos in Burbank (Every Tuesday Night)... Or if you come to me I will sell you the "Map of the (Porn) Stars homes"... No Money Back Guarantee!!!

[You all saw that Hailey likes my personality, right?]

What would people be surprised to know about you, if they met you in person?

Tricia Oaks That I am getting a Masters Degree in Origami, I made my first Basset Hound out of my work resume. I like to color pictures in my coloring book of Spiderman or Rainbow Brite while I get fucked in the ass. I also like to strap my dildo to a chair and fuck the chair in my spare time. Then I turn into a Master Chef, preparing not only tasteful, but beautiful looking meals.

Hailey YoungI am a normal person and not stuck up like a lot of the girls in this industry.

How much does your regular life resemble a porn set?

Tricia Oaks Well I do live and date a Porn Agent and soon to be Producer of "Superiority Complex Pictures" so I am around girls and sets all the time. My regular life is surrounded in Porn. Even when I go to the grocery store, I like to have in a Butt Plug just so I don't feel like everybody else. I don't want a regular life!!!

Is there a secret handshake that lets you into all the hot spots where they hang out?

April Storm Well, darlin' that's a secret!

Bad Ass Frank Sure, it's called the "folded $100 dollar bill in Bad Ass Frank's palm" secret handshake.

Hailey Young Yes!!! Wear the least amount of clothes as possible.

Have you ever hung out with a group of girls that DIDN'T end up in a tickle fight in Nighties?

Hailey Young Not that I recall, I make sure the night ends in a tickle fight or strip jenga, or I tell the girls to get lost.

[Thanks for not pissing on the fantasy Hailey.]

So there you go guys, if you’re interested in pursuing a relationship with an adult actress. The things you’ll need are:

1. Be self-confident, and not jealous or possessive.
2. Have great hair
3. Have a 13” Mandingo dick
4. Have a Personality and a sense of humor.
5. Bathe regularly, and don’t smell
6. Be able and willing to push Tricia on the swings.
7. Don’t be creepy, or leer.

Hey are you still reading this? Didn’t you read the part about the 13” Mandingo dick? Whatever dude.

8. Hang out at industry events open to the public, or Porn Star Karaoke on Tuesday nights as Sardo’s
9. Drive a beat up Mazda that smells like gas (I’m pretty sure she was KIDDING!! Besides we BOTH know you’re out of the running with the Mandingo thing….don’t we???)
10. A $100 to palm to Frank for the Secret Handshake.

And lets not forget your 'would be' pornstar moves. Look, just because
you've seen her on your TV, going down on a meter maid to get out of a ticket, DOESN'T mean they are going to lay back on the hood of your car just because you drop your keys. I would suggest a healthy dose of 'Chick Flick' sensibility first. You know, tell her she's pretty, buy her flowers, talk about your feelings... BEFORE you try to bend her over the couch and cum in her hair.

...And the Last thing you need is a healthy dose of REALITY!!! FACE IT!! You're probably not good looking enough to land a porn star!!!

So guys, I hope this serves as a helpful guide. So save up your paper route money, and move out of your parents basement. And if you only take one thing away from this article, let it be that Hailey Young, likes my personality.

~Carl Hart

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